How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He has the fingertips of a God
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
