saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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