I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
