ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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