Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize