It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
