I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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