I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
