Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
