The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
