im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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