where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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