I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
