I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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