Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
