I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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