he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
