sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
