i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize