Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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