oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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