So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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