I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
