WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
