i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
