I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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