ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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