even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
