first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
