I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
