I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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