is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
