M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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