Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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