Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
