Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
