Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
