is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sext me about skeletons
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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