So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
