Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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