someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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