Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
