Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
