i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How does it feel to date your dad?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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