He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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