it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
