He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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