I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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