so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
