I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
