i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
