my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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