i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
