Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
