i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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