Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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