I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Semen is not good for contacts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
