She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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