Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
