Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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