whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
