A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
