Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
