Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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