Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
