Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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