Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
