Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
