Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
