Soap is not a condiment
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
