I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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