i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
