im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
