you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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