Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
