Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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