I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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