yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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