why didn't you poke me back
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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