I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
