i don't like sucking hair
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
