I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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