sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
