The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
