I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
