I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
