How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
