I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
