I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
