I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
