Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
