i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
