Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
