sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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